I process through writing. I don’t always get it right: this is in fact the second part of the third draft of my original post about the coronavirus.

In the first draft, I wanted to share how this pandemic has affected me. I wanted to share my struggle.

Then I decided that staying focused on my struggle was selfish and narrow-minded. My second draft became about helping people, about how we can get through this situation with goodness and hope.

The reason I didn’t publish either the first or second draft is because neither was complete. This is not a black and white situation. It’s not just about fear and grief nor is it only about hope and faith.

Ultimately, I’ve found that they’re both relevant – or more accurately, it’s all relevant. We cannot ignore any of it. It is all here and it is all important.

So this draft (we will see if it makes it to the publication phase) has become about all the emotions – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and what to do with them.

As we are faced with so many intense feelings, the challenge becomes experiencing a lot of seemingly contradictory emotions all at the same time. Two extreme examples of the diversity in our emotions right now are grief and hope. We have both, we need both, and here’s why.

We are all mourning. Mourning the life we knew, the plans we had, the freedom and safety we relied on, and the lives of people we are losing.

Grief is important for several reasons. It allows us to connect with our own humanity by forcing us to be vulnerable with ourselves, teaching us empathy, and showing us new perspectives. It’s the emotional process toward accepting our new reality, whether that new reality is life without a loved one or life during a pandemic.

So when you feel that grief come up, allow it. It can feel scary or painful, but it will also allow you to grow in ways you could never know to build on your own. Allow the process to begin and remember that where you arrive will be worth the challenges on the path to get there.

As important as it is for you to experience grief, it is also an important experience for the people around you. Everyone experiences grief differently, and we are all in different stages of it. If someone resists your grief, remember that this may not be because they are intentionally trying to dismiss your feelings or belittle your reality, but perhaps your process just so happens to come into direct conflict with their process (or contradicts their process or makes them feel judged for their process, etc.).

They don’t need to understand your process and you don’t need to understand theirs. They both just need to be allowed to take place.

The next step after we allow the grief is to comfort yourself while you grieve. That might mean slower movement for some while it may mean more movement for others. We are all different and are all comforted by different things, so find what makes you feel safe, acknowledged, and understood.

This goes for others as well. Comforting others while they grieve may not look like the comfort you would prefer. Do your best to comfort people in the way that is best for them. If you don’t know how, it’s okay to ask. They may not want you to comfort them at all.

Like any time of grief or sorrow, this is a time for extra compassion and patience. This is a time to give passes and cut slack. This is a time for letting things go and allowing people to experience their own personal process, whether in grieving or comforting, and whether you understand their process or not.

We are all mourning. Grief is our ticket through this tumultuous time. Allow the journey – for yourself and for others – to begin.

On the other side of the coin, I have felt moved by a lot through this pandemic. Individuals and groups alike have been getting impressively creative with how to connect with one another and spread humanity in a time of isolation and fear. Grief is important, but so is hope.

Hope is important because it motivates us to navigate the challenge. If we believe that the future holds some form of improvement, then it can make the present struggle worthwhile.

Hope and inspiration are also important because they remind us of the good things. This pandemic is taking place (in my part of the world anyway) during the spring, which means my environment is literally in bloom. Among the fear and the death, there is still growth and beauty to remind us of what we are fighting for.

So even when people are scared or sick, laugh at something funny, feel pride toward your accomplishments, and get motivated by your dreams. Feel love for your partner and your parents and your friends and the healthcare workers saving our lives. Allow yourself to have hope for our future and allow yourself to enjoy the lovely moments now.

Let others be hopeful. Help to inspire them. Spread hope to those who are desperate for something – anything – to cling to, to balance out the fear. Propagate the inspirational and heart warming stories of entire cities applauding their healthcare workers, communities coming together to sing out their windows when they’re not allowed outside their homes, families getting take out under quarantine to support their local businesses, and companies eating cost to do what’s right for their customers.

Share the gratitude and the faith, the ideas and the solutions. Share the laughter and the pride, the motivation and the inspiration. Allow your hope to motivate you and remind you of all that is good, then spread goodness so that others may be inspired to do the same.

Hope reminds us that one day the pandemic will end, and that – no matter what plague falls upon us – our humanity will remain intact. It reminds us that we define our days, no matter the environment. It reminds us of our capabilities, our possibilities, our oneness, our goodness, and our greatness.

Allow hope. Be hope. Spread hope. That is how we will remind each other of why the grief is worthwhile and together, we will become the reason to never give up.

This is why we need both grief and hope. One is a necessary process to acceptance and the other shows us why the process is worthwhile.

This is why we can’t have just fear, anger, and sadness, but also why we can’t have just hope, faith, and inspiration. It may feel challenging because they seem like they exist in contradiction to one another. In reality though, they require each other in order to create something more interconnected, more subtle, and more valuable. We need both in order to grow.

So feel grief and hope and anything else that comes up. Let others feel grief and hope and whatever else they feel. Try not to resist it. Try not to fear it. It is not an attack on your mind and body. It is what your mind and body were designed to do in order to become the best version of you.

Allow all the feelings. Experience all the feelings. They will empower you to grow in this new reality.

Grieve. Comfort. Inspire. Repeat.